[if lt IE 9]><img src="/static/onion/img/logo_1x.png" alt="The Onion" title="The Onion" /><![endif] [if lt IE 9]><img src="/static/onion/img/icons/weather/cloudy_1x.png" alt="Partly cloudy" /><![endif] Mostly cloudy when you're gone [if lt IE 9]><img src="/static/onion/img/avclub-small_1x.png" alt="A.V. Club" title="A.V. Club" /><![endif] Follow @TheOnion Video Politics Sports Business Science/Tech Local Entertainment More Back Video Politics Sports Business Science/Tech Entertainment Breaking 0 0 0 Donald Sterling Just Glad Tape Recorder Batteries Died Before He Got To The Real Shit 3:01 A new census report reveals the U.S. has over 316 million nobodies, Carlos Santana surprises his wife with a coupon for a free 45-minute guitar solo, and Picasso’s ‘Guernica’ triples in value after being autographed by the 1994 New York ... Recent News Onion Review All Videos The Onion's Tips For Getti...